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Transcript of Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell

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WARNING:

THIS TRANSCRIPT CONTAINS

SUPER FOUL LANGUAGE

AND ABSURD CONTENT!


IF YOU ARE EASILY

OFFENDED,

DO NOT READ THIS!

(The title screen and opening credits appear in a black and white tone while Judy Garland's famous rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" plays.)

James Rolfe: (voiceover) This is Witch of the East; she was evil. She got a house dropped on her, and now she's dead. Dead as shit. This is the Wicked Witch of the West; also evil. She got water poured on her, and melted. Melted like diarrhea in the hot sun. This is the Witch of the North; she was good. Real good. Her name was Glinda. This is the Witch of the South; also good. Her name was Dorothy. Unlike the other witches, she did not come from the land of Oz. She came from Kansas.

(The film fades to color as we see Dorothy standing in front of the farm with her dog, Toto, while holding a pickle.)

Dorothy: You know, Toto, life is boring.

Toto: Woof!

Dorothy: I wish there was something else to do.

(Suddenly, Dorothy's uncle Crunch, who has a realistic human mouth, jumps into the scene.)

Uncle Crunch: Dorothy! What'd I tell you about talking to that damn dog?! He's not gonna talk back, you know! Now, put them nasty pickles away and count them chickens!

Dorothy: Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Crunch.

Uncle Crunch: God damn it, girl! You don't call me Uncle Crunch, you call me Pa! Now, put down that pickle!

(He smacks the pickle out of Dorothy's hand, which lands on the ground. She picks it back up and puts it in front of her mouth.)

Dorothy: But, I love pickles! Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle-

Uncle Crunch: *uppercuts the pickle out of Dorothy's hand* My god, you damn pickle whore! Now, count them chickens!

(Uncle Crunch walks away and Count von Count from "Sesame Street" makes a brief appearance.)

Count von Count: Count the chickens. Ah, ah, ah.

(The pickle flies through the air and lands in the pig's anus, promptly causing it to dump its load onto the pickle, burying it. All of a sudden, the ground starts shaking.)

Dorothy: Oh, my!

(The cause of the tremor was an approaching Sandcrawler, out from which three hooded figures emerge.)

Uncle Crunch: What the hell do you little things want?!

(The Tin Man (who has Data's head from "Star Trek: The Next Generation") and Tick-Tock also appear come out from the Sandcrawler.)

Uncle Crunch: What, you want me to buy these damn things?! What can they do?!

Dorothy: Oh, look, Toto! It's Tin Man & Tick-Tock from Oz!

(The Tin Man throws his axe into the ground.)

Uncle Crunch: Ah, you can chop wood! What about you?!

(A water faucet appears from Tick-Tock's crotch and starts running.)

Uncle Crunch: All right, you can water the crops!

(Dorothy runs home to tell her aunt about the visitors.)

Dorothy: Auntie Eminem! Auntie Eminem!

Auntie Eminem: What is it, Dorothy?

Dorothy: The Tin Man & Tick-Tock! They're real!

Auntie Eminem: Dorothy, I thought you were over this Oz nonsense! Don't want to end up in the asylum again, do 'ya?

Dorothy: Look out there!

(Auntie Eminem looks out the window and sees Uncle Crunch with Tin Man & Tick-Tock in tow.)

Auntie Eminem: Well, it looks like he just bought some mechanical helpers to work on the farm.

Dorothy: Don't you see? They're Tin Man & Tick-Tock from Oz!

Auntie Eminem: Dorothy, that's enough! You stop right now!

Dorothy: I'm telling Uncle Crunch!

Auntie Eminem: Oh, shit's gonna hit the fan real hard.

(Dorothy runs back to Uncle Crunch to tell him the news.)

Dorothy: Uncle Crunch! Uncle Crunch!

Uncle Crunch: What the hell'd I tell you?! You don't call me Uncle Crunch, you call me Pa!

Dorothy: Don't you know who these are? They're Tick-Tock & Tin Man from Oz!

Uncle Crunch: By god, Dorothy! What the hell'd I tell you about all that freakin' Oz bullshit?! You better stop smokin' that crack, y'hear?! You shut up and clean these robots!

(In the bathroom, with Tin Man in the bathtub and Tick-Tock drying off...)

Dorothy: Why didn't you guys tell him?

Tin Man: Oh, because, Dorothy, your uncle's one tough bastard. He'll dismember us if we took your side.

Tick-Tock: We have to get down to important things now. Dorothy, I have a message to give you.

(A blue light shines down onto the floor from Tick-Tock's chest and a hologram of a big-breasted Glinda appears.)

Glinda: Oz is in trouble. Help us, Dorothy, you're our only hope.

Dorothy: Oh, that was Glinda!

Tick-Tock: You have to come to Oz to help us, Dorothy.

Dorothy: Um, my uncle wouldn't like that a bit.

(Later, Dorothy, Uncle Crunch, and Auntie Eminem are all sitting at a table at dinner.)

Dorothy: You have to listen to me!

Uncle Crunch: I had to listen to enough! Now, you eat your dinner and go to bed, bitch!

Dorothy: I have to skip school tomorrow! My friends from Oz need my help!

Uncle Crunch: If you wanna skip school, why don't you play sick, you dumb whore?!

Dorothy: No, seriously! I have to leave right now to save them!

Uncle Crunch: Fine, then! You get out of this house! Right now, you fucking cunt!

(Dorothy picks up her dinner plate and Uncle Crunch smashes it.)

Uncle Crunch: No! You don't get no dinner! Now, get the fuck out of here before I shove this broken plate up your motherfucking pussy-hole!

(Uncle Crunch goes on a destructive rampage and tears the kitchen apart.)

Uncle Crunch: God damn it, bitch!

(Dorothy escapes from her house and looks at the sunset as "Binary Sunset" plays in the background.)

Dorothy: Oh, Toto, how are we going to get to Oz this time?

(She is approached by the Tin Man & Tick-Tock.)

Tick-Tock: Well, Dorothy, the first time was by air, the second: by water. So, the only way now would be by land.

(The Sandcrawler returns along with the three hooded figures, who reveal themselves to be Munchkins.)

Blue-Haired Munchkin: God damn, I fucking hated wearing those things.

Dorothy: Oh, my! You're munchkins!

Blue-Haired Munchkin: No shit! What'cha fuckin' think, you dumb bitch?

Dorothy: Well, you're awfully rude.

Red-Haired Munchkin: Eh, like you're fuckin' perfect, bitch? *drinks from a bottle of 40*

Green-Haired Munchkin: Anyway, you got to come with us, Dorothy. The rest of the munchkins would be so proud of us when they see we brought you. You see, we've been kicked out of Munchkinland.

Dorothy: Oh, why were kicked out of Munchkinland?

Red-Haired Munchkin: Nyeh, we was assholes.

Blue-Haired Munchkin: Man! You know, fuck those fuckin' munchkins, man! Why the fuck should we help them?

Green-Haired Munchkin: 'Cause Munchkinland's got the best drugs. So, Dorothy, are you comin'?

Dorothy: Oh, I don't know, I'm really hungry. I missed dinner.

Blue-Haired Munchkin: Aw, you're hungry? Man, we'll fix that. C'mere, doggy. C'mere.

(Toto goes toward the Blue-Haired Munchkin, who then proceeds to stab him repeatedly, much to Dorothy & the Tin Man's dismay. The other munchkins soon join in on killing the dog.)

Dorothy: Oh, no.

(The Red-Haired Munchkin tackles her to the ground and jumps on her while the Green-Haired Munchkin feeds her own dog to her on a stick.)

Red-Haired Munchkin: Eat it, bitch!

Green-Haired Munchkin: Eat it, bitch!

Dorothy: Well... that was pretty good, I must say. But, that was my dog.

Red-Haired Munchkin: Hey, are 'ya hungry anymore?

Dorothy: ...No.

Blue-Haired Munchkin: Then, quit your yappin', you cunt.

Green-Haired Munchkin: So, Dorothy, are you ready to come to Oz?

Dorothy: Yeah, I just want to know what the trouble is.

Tick-Tock: Dorothy, there is much we have to tell you. Oz has been taken over by an evil force.

Dorothy: Worse than the Wicked Witch?

Tick-Tock: Yes.

Dorothy: Worse than the Nome King?

Tick-Tock: Oh, yes.

Dorothy: What could possibly be that bad?

(Zoom-in on Tick-Tock's face.)

Tick-Tock: ...Satan.

Dorothy: Oh, OK. That's pretty bad.

Tick-Tock: Even worse: he has just gotten his hands on the Ruby Slippers, which allow him to leave Oz & take over your world, too, Dorothy.

Dorothy: Oh, no. If he has the Ruby Slippers, then that would lead him...

(She rushes back to her house.)

Tick-Tock: Wait, Dorothy. It's too dangerous.

(When Dorothy returns, she sees the place has been destroyed, along with her aunt and uncle.)

Dorothy: Oh, no. They're dead.

(From the pile of pig manure, the pickle from earlier emerges from it, now sentient.)

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

(Shit Pickle heads over to Dorothy and gets her attention.)

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: Oh, my. You're alive.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: What's your name?

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: Nice to meet you, Shit Pickle.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: I'm Dorothy.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: I've had a bad day. My-

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: My aunt & uncle died-

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: My fr-

Shit Pickle: Shit...

Dorothy: My friends-

Shit Pickle: ...Pickle.

Dorothy: My friends in the land of Oz are in trouble.

Shit Pickle: Shit... Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.

Dorothy: And I ate my own dog.

Shit Pickle: *whispering* Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: Will you be my new friend?

Shit Pickle: ...Picklepicklepickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.

Dorothy: Great, come with me. We're on our way to save Oz.

(After they all arrive in Munchkinland...)

Munchkin King: Dorothy, thank you for coming. You're the only one who can save us. As for you guys (the three reject munchkins), I'll give you one more chance. If you can prove that you can stop being assholes, I'll let you stay in Munchkinland.

Blue-Haired Munchkin: Nyeh, go yank your cock through your ass, you fuckin' butt mongrel.

(The three munchkins get thrown into the dungeon.)

Blue-Haired Munchkin: Nyeh, them bitch-asses ain't got shit.

Munchkin King: Anyway, Dorothy, thank you so much for coming.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: No problem. We'll do anything to help.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: But... what can I do?

Munchkin King: Well, there's a dark secret of Oz which we never told you. But, now, it is important that you know.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Munchkin King: This Red Brick Road leads to Hell, and Satan's evil power has found its way here to Munchkinland.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Munchkin King: He has captured Glinda.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Munchkin King: You must take the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald City and ask the Wizard what to do.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: Oh, OK. But, by the way, what about that Gray Brick Road?

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: What does that lead to?

Munchkin King: That one leads to K-Mart.

Shit Pickle: ...Shit Pickle.

Munchkin King: But, anyway, here are the rest of your friends to aid you on your journey.

(The Scarecrow, (a depressive with a hangman's noose around his neck), the Cowardly Lion (the 1939 MGM logo A.K.A. Jackie), and Jack Pumpkinhead all enter the scene.)

Jack Pumpkinhead: Hi, mom.

Dorothy: Oh, hi. I missed you. I missed all of you guys.

Cowardly Lion: Rawr!

Shit Pickle: Shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.

Cowardly Lion: Roar!

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.

Cowardly Lion: ...

Tick-Tock: Dorothy, are you really his mother?

Dorothy: Oh, I guess.

Tick-Tock: I believe that there is a 97.5% chance that he is not even related to you whatsoever.

Dorothy: It doesn't really matter, because-

Tick-Tock: Dorothy, he looks nothing like you.

Dorothy: That's OK.

Tick-Tock: Dorothy, his head is a pumpkin, your head is a regular-

Dorothy: Tick-Tock, that's enough!

Scarecrow: Dorothy, I'm sorry you had to get drawn into this ridiculous situation.

Dorothy: That's OK, let's go to Emerald City.

Scarecrow: What's the point? Something bad's gonna happen there, and then we're gonna have to come all the way back to confront Satan.

Dorothy: Well, I don't know. That's just what we're supposed to do. All right, come on.

Tick-Tock: Dorothy, if you want, I could do a DNA test to determine-

Dorothy: Shut up!

Cowardly Lion: Rawr!

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.

Scarecrow: This is gonna be stupid...

(Dorothy and her friends travel the Emerald City and "Follow the Yellow Brick Road/We're Off to See the Wizard" plays.)

Tick-Tock: Dorothy, can I ask you one more question?

Dorothy: What?!

Tick-Tock: When you were giving birth to him, how did his large pumpkin head fit through your-

(Tick-Tock's question is interrupted by a foot with a face and a baseball with legs appearing.)

Foot: Hi, I'm Foot.

Ball: And I'm Ball.

Foot: And, together, we are...

Both: Foot & Ball!

(Suddenly, a lightning bolt comes out of nowhere and destroys both Foot & Ball. Another one comes and immobilizes Tick-Tock, causing our heroes to flee while "Walk All Over You" by AC/DC plays. As it turns out, the lightning bolts came from the Flying Monkeys, who have corkscrew penises and heads of the band members of the aforementioned band.)

Tick-Tock: Dorothy, I am about to die, could you please tell me-

(Before Tick-Tock can finish his question, he gets blown up by one of the Flying Monkeys. Then, they start assaulting Jack Pumpkinhead. After his pumpkin head gets shattered, it's revealed that he has a face similar to Dorothy's, except with a goatee.

Dorothy: Oh my god, he really was my son. Oh my gosh, you bastards! Tin Man, kill those monkeys!

Tin Man: Oh, Dorothy, I can't do that.

Dorothy: What do you mean, you fucking pussy? You got an axe.

Tin Man: Oh, I don't have the heart.

Dorothy: Well, maybe the problem is you have too much fucking heart.

(She rips the Tin Man's heart out of his chest.)

Tin Man: *monotonous voice* Kill. Kill. Kill.

(He starts slaughtering the Flying Monkeys one by one. One of them tries firing a lightning bolt at the Tin Man, but it just bounces off of him. Once they're all defeated, Dorothy and her friends eventually reach Emerald City and enter Oz's (Captain James T. Kirk's (from the original "Star Trek") giant, green disembodied head) chamber.)

Dorothy: Hi, Great Oz. We've come to ask for your help.

Oz: I am not The Great Oz. I am Satan, possessing his body.

Dorothy: Oh, no. How long do you plan to stay in the Wizard's body, Satan?

Oz: Until he rots and lies stinky in the earth.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Oz: Besides, I rule Oz, now that I have Glinda. You've come right into my trap. Now, all I have to do is take you to the Witch of the South, and I can rule Kansas as well. And, soon after that, the world!

Dorothy: You killed my family, you son of a bitch.

Oz: No, I didn't. My new weapon of mass destruction has done it for me. And now, he'll kill your friends, too. Behold, my fucking ultimate weapon! The new automated, robified, powertronic cyberbot: Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 Version 3.0 Beta... bitch!

(Speak of the Devil, Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 Version 3.0 Beta breaks into the chamber.)

Super Mecha Death Christ: DIE!!!

(He blast lasers from his eyes and the weapons from his arsenal at them.)

Super Mecha Death Christ: FUCKERS!!!

(After they retreat from the Emerald City, the Cowardly Lion turns around to face the gargantuan war machine, who fires one of its lasers and knocks the Lion away. Then, The Gump from "Return to Oz" arrives to rescue them.)

The Gump: Hurry up, guys. Jump on my back.

(They all climb aboard and fly away safe and sound.)

Dorothy: Lion, I'm glad you made it. The problem with you is that you're just too brave.

Cowardly Lion: *bleats like a sheep*

(Super Mecha Death Christ returns to the Emerald City and goes on a rampage, killing many Munchkins/celebrity guests and reducing the whole city to rubble. Luckily, Dorothy and her friends have made it back to Munchkinland, where they tell the King the bad news.)

Dorothy: It's horrible! Super Mecha Death Christ 2000's on the way! And, even worse, the Great Oz has been possessed by Satan! What are we gonna do?

Munchkin King: Oh, I was afraid that would happen. It looks like you'll have to go to Hell to defeat Satan. And, then, when the Great Oz is unpossessed, he can tell you what to do.

Dorothy: Oh, OK.

Scarecrow: Dorothy, do you realize what he is telling you to do? If the Wizard is the only one who knows how to defeat Satan, how are you supposed to defeat him? And, if you do defeat him, then, what's the point in going back to the Wizard? I've had it with this movie.

(A burst of fire erupts in the middle of Munchkinland, similar to how the Wicked Witch of the West first appeared. Only this time, it's a different witch with a generic cauldron & black cat.)

Witch of the Middle: *cackles* I'm the Witch of the Middle!

Dorothy: Oh, my. I thought there weren't any witches left.

Witch of the Middle: Well, North, South, East, and West are already taken, so I'm the Witch of the Middle! *cackles again*

Dorothy: ...So, are you going to throw fire at us or something?

Witch of the Middle: Erm... no.

Dorothy: Oh, so you're a good witch.

Witch of the Middle: Hmm... I don't know.

Dorothy: Well, are you gonna help us defeat Satan? We could really use your help.

Witch of the Middle: Umm... no.

Dorothy: Well, why not? The more, the merrier, hee-hee-hee.

Witch of the Middle: Umm... I don't feel like it.

Dorothy: Please, we're all in danger! Satan is comin' to town!

Witch of the Middle: Hmm... Santa's coming to town? *cackles once more and disappears*

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: Oh. OK, well... whatever. Let's follow the Red Brick Road to Hell and defeat Satan.

Scarecrow: Fine, you guys can go. I'm gonna go follow the Gray Brick Road to K-Mart. I'm gonna by a shotgun from the sporting goods, and I'm gonna kill myself with it.

Dorothy: What? Don't talk like that! Come on!

Scarecrow: Dorothy, I'm sorry, but that's it. I'm just gonna go shoot myself.

Dorothy: No, you're not. You're coming with-

Scarecrow: I'm serious. I'm dead serious. I'm gonna go blow my fucking brains out.

Dorothy: No, you can't! You can't! You have to come to Hell with-

Scarecrow: *voice breaking* Forget about me. You go to Hell, I'm going to Heaven. I'm gonna blow my god-damn fucking brains out.

Dorothy: No, please!

Scarecrow: You're all so ignorant. I mean, don't you realize how it feels to be a badly-made character in a movie that lacks any intelligence? This movie's my life, and I can't take it anymore! *starts walking towards K-Mart* I'm just gonna... just gonna shoot my fuckin' brains out, bitch...

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Dorothy: You guys (to Tin Man & Cowardly Lion) follow him and make sure he doesn't shoot himself. Shit Pickle and I will go to Satan.

(On the Gray Brick Road, the Scarecrow sees many trees with different types of items on them.)

Scarecrow: Oh, I hope I'm almost there. Look, an apple tree, a lunch pail tree, and a... what? A "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze" tree?

(a vial of mutagen falls from the tree and hits the scarecrow, causing him to mutate into his movie counterpart.)

Scarecrow: Huh? Oh, well. *continues on his way*

(Meanwhile, on the other path...)

Dorothy: I remember this, Toto... I mean, Shit Pickle, this is the Deadly Desert from the second Oz movie, "Return to Oz".

(Back on the Gray Brick Road, the Tin Man & Cowardly Lion step into a puddle of mutagen from the same vial that mutated the Scarecrow, reverting them to their movie counterparts.)

Cowardly Lion: Oh, my! What happened? I'm a lion! That means, I'm king of the forest! *laughs and growls* Aw, shucks!

(He hears a bird caw.)

Cowardly Lion: Oh, no! What was that? What was that? I don't want to go any further! Do we have to? Dorothy told me not to be brave!

(Dorothy and Shit Pickle have come to a hole at the end of the path that, supposedly, leads to Hell.)

Dorothy: Oh, look, Shit Pickle. We're almost to Hell.

(A giant talking sandwich wearing a witch hat emerges from the hole.)

Dorothy: Oh, no!

Sand-witch: *cackles* I'm the Sand-witch! I'm gonna take you to Hell!

(The Sand-witch drags Dorothy down the hole, and Shit Pickle follows after.)

Sand-witch: Right after I shove this cactus up my bologna asshole and vagina!

(Meanwhile, at K-Mart, the Scarecrow was loading his pistol.)

Store Clerk: Umm, hey, man. You can't load that in here.

(The Scarecrow inserts the barrel of the pistol into his mouth and pulls the trigger.)

Store Clerk: Dude, man, you're nuts.

(In Hell...)

Dorothy: Oh, what are we gonna do, Shit Pickle?

Shit Pickle: Shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.

Dorothy: Oh, no, here comes Satan.

(Satan rises up from the lava.)

Satan: *laughs evilly* I'm Satan, and I've got you trapped!

Dorothy: Well, that's kinda obvious.

Satan: Well, what's not obvious is that the year 2000 is approaching!

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

Satan: That is Doomsday! Super Mecha Death Christ is gonna blow up the world-

Shit Pickle: Shit...

Satan: -and there's nothing you can do about it!

Shit Pickle: ...Pickle.

Dorothy: Oh, boy, it looks like we're in a real pickle now.

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.

(When it seemed all hope was lost, the Kool-Aid Man crashed through the wall and knocked out Satan.)

Kool-Aid Man: Ohhhhh, yeah! Who wants some motherfuckin' Kool-Aid?!

Dorothy: Oh, thanks, Kool-Aid Man. You saved us.

(However, a burst of fire came from out of nowhere and burnt him to a crisp. And then, out came someone much worse than Satan.)

Lucifer: *laughs evilly* I am Satan's evil twin, Lucifer! You may have defeated my brother, but there's nothing you can do about his ultimate weapon: the new automated, powertronic, robofied-

Dorothy: *overlapping with Lucifer* Yeah, yeah, yeah. Modified, megatronic superbot: Super Mecha Death Christ 2000.

Lucifer: B.C. Version 3.0 Beta, bitch!

Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.

(In another part of Oz, Super Mecha Death Christ resumes his reign of terror and destroys many buildings and movie billboards in the process.)

Super Mecha Death Christ: FUCKERS!!! FUCKERS!!! FUCKERS!!! FUCKERS!!! DIE!!! EVERBODY DIE!!!

(Outside of K-Mart, the store clerk throws the Scarecrow into the dumpster, who miraculously survived killing himself. And, right beside the dumpster is a time warp.)

Scarecrow: Duh, I shot my fuckin' brains out.

(He gets out of the dumpster and into the portal when the Tin Man & Cowardly Lion appear.)

Tin Man: Look, Scarecrow must have landed in that time warp over there.

Cowardly Lion: Oh, a time warp! That's what that is! I didn't know what that was, but now I know! Thanks for clearing that up for me!

(He starts getting sucked in.)

Cowardly Lion: Oh! Oh, no! Now, I'm scared! I'm scared! Tin Man, hold me! Hold me, Tin Man!

(Both of them go through.)

James Rolfe: (voiceover) With about 20 seconds left until Armageddon, the Lion, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow escape the doomed future by means of time travel through some kind of warp zone, which erased their memory and put them back into the first "Wizard of Oz" movie. The Scarecrow has no brain, the Tin Man has no heart, and the Lion is now a coward. These characters will now embark on a new mission to find what they had lost. Meanwhile, with less than 10 seconds left, Super Mecha Death Christ fires a "World Blower-Upper Bomb", which goes up in the air and comes down as Lucifer counts the seconds off.

Lucifer: (voiceover) 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

James Rolfe: (voiceover) The year "99" changes to zero, resetting the space-time continuum back to the year "0", which was when Jesus was born. So, at the last second before impact, Super Mecha Death Christ reverts back to the baby Christ, obviously not an evil-doer. So, he puts up a force field and blocks the "World Blower-Upper Bomb" and redirects it to Hell to blow up Lucifer instead! However, the fact that Super Mecha Death Christ was labelled 2000 B.C., it denies its existence in the present time. So, a prototype of Super Mecha Death Christ appears in the year 2000 B.C., where the Cavemen, the Vikings, and the Egyptosaurus destroy it, which prevents the creation of the new 3.0 beta version, which cancels the meaning of Dorothy ever having to come to Oz in the first place, which means the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, & the Cowardly Lion would have never met the Wizard of Oz and asked for a heart, a brain, and courage. And, baby Christ being present in Oz makes no sense for it being the Bible! So, if there's no Jesus, there'd be no New Testament, and Satan would have nothing better to do besides sit around and stick his pitchfork up his ass! And, the son of Damien would be playing croquet with the angels, dogs and cats would be rolling in the mud, Dorothy would be reincarnated into a pig, taking a shit up the side of the barn, and it all creates a big time paradox! And the whole fucking movie EXPLODES!

(A massive explosion occurs. And, just when things seem to calm down, another one occurs to deliver one final scare.)

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