(Video begins with a 1988 home video, showing the first time the Nerd played the NES on his birthday.)
Boy: Alright, you get one game with it, That's Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt. Okay, so...
Girl (oc): I wanted that!
The Nerd: That's me, staring at a fresh Nintendo Entertainment System, right out of the box. My life was about to be changed forever. There I am, excited that the game has been hooked up.
Boy: I heard it!
Young James: I'm playing it, okay!
The Nerd: And there you have it, My first time playing NES. (Camera shows his friends) Those are my friends; watching in awe, sympathy and shock.
Young James: (Mario loses a life) Come on, that stupid man, he wouldn't walk! (Mario falls off a cliff) Oh great, oh, why you have to do that? (Screen shows Mario running, hitting the first coin block, and dying from the first Goomba. The Game Over screen appears.) AAARGH! I lose every game!
(Young James yells in slow motion, cuts to a montage of the Nerd swearing from various videos)
The Nerd: FUCK! Piece of shit! ...Is diarrhea coming out of my dick! Fuckin' horrible! Inside out asshole (Montage of "fuck" from the Teenage Mutnant Ninja Turtles review) Fuckin' my balls! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, FUUUUCK! (Montage of the Nerd drinking Rolling Rock; then an explosion effect)