James Rolfe: (voiceover) In the year 2000 B.C., Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 Prototype appears. It was destroyed by the Cavemen, the Vikings, & the Egyptosaurus. Its initial appearance is still shrouded in mystery.
The remaining pieces of the Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 prototype are found buried in the middle of Stonehenge. Mechahenge is built the next morning, but mysteriously vanishes at sunset.
Saint Columba encounters Satan rising from the depths of Loch Ness. He calls upon the power of God, but instead is aided by Death Christ, who drives Satan back into the Loch by an onslaught of lightning & fireballs.
Prince Vlad Dracula, haunted by a vision of Death Christ, constructs Mecha Death Christ from armor & crude weaponry of the time to do battle against the Ottoman empire near Bucharest. A vain product of hate, it goes on a mad killing spree & ultimately beheads Dracula. Its whereabouts remain unknown for centuries.
The Nazis uncover the remains of Mecha Death Christ.
Adolf Hitler upgrades Mecha Death Christ to Super Mecha Death Christ; not to be confused with Super Megadeth Christ.
(A picture of Super Megadeth Christ, who has Dave Mustaine's upper body with a half-robot face resembling the T-800's & an electric guitar, is shown.)
James Rolfe: (voiceover) The reason Hitler was searching for the Lost Ark was because he wanted to mount it on Super Mecha Death Christ, so he could combine it with the powers of God, probably the most insane weapon ever conceived.
(A brief clip from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" of Rene Belloq's head exploding plays.)
James Rolfe: (voiceover) 1944 A.D.
Super Mecha Death Christ kills Hitler & is later destroyed in battle and retrieved by the U.S. military.
From the same parts, Super Mecha Death Christ Version 2 is constructed with new weapons & a whole new electro-mechanical interface. A flight system is tested & voice synthesis is installed. However, it can only yell German obscenities.
Super Mecha Death Christ Version 3 is given a test flight in a desert near Roswell, New Mexico. It was mistaken for a U.F.O..
Super Mecha Death Christ Version 4 is completed. It malfunctioned the first time it's tested.
Super Mecha Death Christ Version 5 is completed. Laser physics are employed for the first time, which failed miserably.
Super Mecha Death Christ Model 2000, also known as SMDC2K, is perfected with stealth flight. Unfortunately, control is lost & it escapes detection, flying away to an unknown location. It was never found again for 40 years. The Super Mecha Death Christ project was dropped, and instead focused on what eventually became the F-177 Nighthawk stealth aircraft.
NASA discovers the presumed remnants of the Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 model on the lunar surface of the Moon. But what they really found was the approximately 4000 year old scrap metal from the Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 Prototype. It's brought back to Earth for testing.
Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. is created from the Prototype. This version is complete with laser & grenade, missile & machine gun cannons. The upper body is mounted on a tank for supreme combat.
"Robocop" rips off the model of the Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 Prototype.
Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. Version 2.0 is created. A ray gun is equipped to its chest, and the ability to blast lasers from its eyes.
Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. Version 2.5 is updated to include voice synthesis. A product of extreme anger & destruction, all it can do is scream in rage.
Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. Version 2.5 is abducted by Satan & re-programmed for world domination.
After a reign of terror in the land of Oz, Satan unleashes his new ultimate weapon, the automated, robofied, powertronic cyberbot: Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. Version 3.0 Beta, bitch. Vocabulary is increased slightly & spontaneously.
SMDC2KBC v3.0 Beta: DIE!!!
James Rolfe: (Voiceover) Also, a new rocket launcher is added to its base, propelling it at flights of 22,000 feet in the air, at speeds of 514 miles per hour, but only distances of 2.5 miles. It goes on a rampage, killing many Munchkins & celebrity guests.
The space-time continuum resets to zero, and a time paradox occurs. The events in the land of Oz no longer exist. History is erased.
The remains of Super Mecha Death Christ 2000, not the B.C version, is discovered on Maldives island.
Completion of Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 II by the U.S. military. Satan takes control once again & unleashes it upon the Earth. Out of nowhere, Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. Version 3.1 appears, and engages in robot battle. Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 II is destroyed in the confrontation & Satan is driven back to Hell.
Satan takes possession of a Super Mario Bros. 3 Nintendo Entertainment System game cartridge, where the Angry Video Game Nerd does battle with the help of the self-upgraded Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. Version 4.0 Beta. Also, in the same year, Super Mecha Death Christ made an appearance during the fight between the Angry Video Game Nerd & the Nostalgia Critic. After a brief intervention by Satan, Super Mecha Death Christ immediately broke in & sent Satan's sorry ass back to Hell once more.
The moral of the story: goodness always wins over evil, no matter how corrupted.