The Nerd: Oh, my God! I just found an old trailer for a lost film called "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" And this would've been a phenomenon in the world of cinema. This is the kind of stuff I wanna see. This is what life's all about. Now I don't need to say anything else, just sit back and watch.
The Nerd: (voice-over) In the year 2000... In the year 2015... In the year 9,000,009!
(Fuckernauts show two life forms on the screen)
Fuckernaut 1: I have detected new life forms on this planet.
Fuckernaut 2: Let us make contact.
(Fuckernauts beam themselves down as they have sex and high-five)
The Nerd: (voice-over) "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" The Fuckernauts, the intergalactic horndogs, warriors of procreation, spreading their seed throughout the far reaches of space! The Astro Bastards, forsaken offsprings of the Fuckernauts, rebel wrath childs preparing for war!
Astro Bastard: The conquest of our deadbeat dads must end! They fucked our ancestors! Resulting in our generations getting fucked! Now we're so fucked up! It's time to have our revenge! (they all cheer) Kill the Fuckernauts!
The Nerd: (voice-over) In pursuit of the Fuckernauts, the Astro Bastards embark on a conquest clusterfuck.
Robot: Captain, which course shall we take to intercept the Fuckernauts?
Captain: Uh, just follow the Galactic Positioning System.
Robot: Yes, Captain.
Galactic Positioning System: Make a right in two parsecs.
(The asteroids hit the ship slightly)
Robot: It's taking us through an asteroid field.
Captain: Why'd you trust that thing? (Yells)
The Nerd: "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" When science meets senselessness, the future becomes obsolete.
Fuckernaut 3: Prepare the shields. (The ship activates the shields) Prepare full on torpedo attack. (Fuckernaut 4 presses the button as he makes beeping sound then the ship fires itself on purpose) Oh, you stupid, fucking idiot! Why did you put the shields up when firing the torpon torpedos?!
(The other Fuckernauts scream as they beam themselves down to the building while they grunt then the ship comes down and destroys the building)
The Nerd: "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!"
(The Fuckernauts shows an oncoming vessel on screen)
Fuckernaut 1: We are receiving a signal from an oncoming vessel. They're requesting visual communication.
Fuckernaut 2: Agreed to it. (Fuckernaut 1 turns the visual communication to the captain's ship as they pull their pants down and laugh then the captain reacts) How do you like that visual communication?
Captain: No negotiations! Fire!
Robot: Yes, Captain.
The Galactic Positioning System: Software update version 188.8.131.52.1.1.
Robot: Stand by, another update.
Captain: We just updated that thing last week!
The Nerd: Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!
Fuckernaut 2: We are sorry, we'd like to call the truce.
Fuckernaut 1: May we beam aboard to bring you a gift?
Captain: Accept... (walks into the transportation room as he shoots laser and shit then exclaims in disgust) Oh, God, what is that?
Fuckernaut 1: (laughs and pulls up his pants after he takes a shit) That was the biggest shit I ever took.
The Nerd: The search for intelligent life... may never end.
(The spaceships shoot laser and crash into each other with montage of epic battle scenes.)
Captain: (Grunts twice) Why don't this thing work?! (Screams)
(The spaceship crashes into the moon as blood comes out of the moon)
The Nerd: (voice-over) "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" See it with "Munky Fuck!" And "Thunder Fuckers!" A triple fucktuple feature. My favorite is "Munky Fuck!" This city is fucked.
(The trailer ends as credits begin to roll.)