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Transcript of AVGN episode McKids

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['The Angry Nintendo Nerd' theme song and intro plays.]

McKids is nothing more than an advertising vehicle, much like games such as Yo! Noid and 7-11 Spot [7-Up Spot]. Now, some people out there may actually like this game, and to be fair, it isn't one of the worst games in the NES library. There are definitely much crappier games such as Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout and Silver Surfer, for example. So anyway, let's check out McKids.
McKids - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 707:09

McKids - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 7

So there's Ronald with his magic bag... bag of hallucinogenic drugs. I always thought that clown was one scary motherfucker. The Hamburglar stole his bag, apparently.

Alright, this is the first level. Now, does it look familiar? So where have I seen this before? Jumping around, collecting M's. Oh, like coins? Mario Bros. Like, yeah, that's where I've seen this! It's just like Super Mario Bros. 3. Let's check it out. I mean, the map looks similar, the same idea. The stages are designed the same. Jumping on enemies, I mean, everything looks the same. Mario's controls are a lot better, though. Well, pretty much everything is better.

So, back to McKids. You know, I changed my mind. it actually is pretty original. I mean, walking upside-down, I mean, that's pretty creative.

[The in-game character spins around and moves backwards in the level at high speed.]

Whoa, makes me feel sick. They must have been on crack when they came up with this game. So you go around collecting cards you that need to beat the level. So, there you go, into Ronald's magic zipper, running around Magic McDonald World.

[The in-game character spins backwards through the level again.]

God, that really makes me nauseous. And don't try to kill anything with those blocks; that really doesn't work too well. Collect some more useless M's that don't do anything. Alright, here's a shitty bonus game. You jump on these arrows that make you go up. You gotta jump on the white ones until you get to the top, and when you get to the top, you go into another zipper, and you collect some 1-ups, which aren't really that important because there's a part where you can get a whole bunch of 'em.

Then you go to Birdie's stage. Stupid feathered fucking bird bitch.

[The in-game character collects some M's in the shape of a smile and two eyes.]

Heh, cute smiley face. You know what's a big problem with this game? I mean, you never know what's below you. You just fall and die.

[The in-game character falls down a bottomless pit.]

Fuckballs! This game's so bad, they actually invented a way to end it by pushing start and select at the same time. So, you get this block which makes you heavier, so you can jump higher, or lower, really. And now, you have another 1-up that you don't need, so that's just a waste of time. Oh, look! I died anyway, so what a waste! Oh, God! Look, a McFlurry man! Those guys are badass!

So, how do I get that card? Oh, every kid knows how to do this. Just get the secret passageway under the clouds. Yeah, that's easy to figure out. Kids will have the patience to figure that out. Because, you know, kids have a lot of patience. Especially the ones with ADD, such as myself.

Then you go to Grimace's board. Here's Grimace, the big purple fuck. Look at his house! It looks like Barney the Dinosaur's testicle. Okay, so here's the part where you can get a billion 1-ups. So you get just two 1-ups here, and then you go back into the board again. You die here, but you always get one extra, so if you have an hour to waste, then, there you go. Have fun. You're completely wasting your time, anyway, if playing this game, as I am. Let alone make a fucking video about it.

Some people like to call 1-ups "extra guys" or "free mans". I like to call 'em life insurance. Look how bad the jumps are! Look at this! What a shitload of fuck! All I want to do is get down to that barrel, but it's such a pain in the ass! It keeps bouncing me back up! Fuckfarts! It never ends with this game. It's just like an infinite turd coming out of my ass, just like an endless rope. I mean, when the fuck's it gonna be over? I can't stand this shit!

Watch the moose! Grab a block and try to kill him. Unfortunately, it just bounces and misses him. Now look at this. Would you ever guess that you're supposed to jump off this cliff? This shit reminds me of Super Mario Bros. 3 again. And also, why is this guy walking on water? Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?

Then you gotta talk to the Professor, another one of Ronald's stoner friends. And he tells you to get more cards, which makes me just want to punch him. Even worse, you gotta go to the moon, where you meet CosMc. Now, who the hell's CosMc? Did they run out of McDonalds characters? What about Captain Crook or Big Mac? No: CosMc. I never heard of him. I guess there's nothing more you can expect than but shitty character like that. I mean, I bet that the people who designed the game were paid minimum wage.

So anyway, you're on the moon, so you're floating around, and then there's these tentacles that come out kill you wherever you go. And you really gotta bust your balls to find all those cards. Like, there's this one that's high up in the air, and even when you get it, you jump back down and something kills you and you gotta start the whole level all over again. Assballs!

So here you are at the last stage, Robble Robble. You gotta get the cards from Hamburglar. So, you gotta get across the lava by throwing these blocks in it while all this stuff is shooting at you. Fuck! So, look at this: this is some kind track you have to move on. But you can't because the controls are so hard. So do you hit A or B? I don't know; I have no idea how to control this. You think you can just hold the A button, or something. But no, of course not. That would be too simple. They have to make it, like, you do these little taps with the button to make it move. And the controls just suck ass. What a piece of shit! A little kid can never figure this out.

So finally, when you get through these crazy obstacles, you get up here, you walk all the way to this lava pit, and you don't have any blocks to float over it, you can't go around it, so what do you do? I guess you just gotta commit suicide.

[An image of the Nerd pops up in the bottom-right corner of the screen, similar to Mortal Kombat 2.]

Toasty!

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