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Title intro

Title card for episode, which spoofs the Looney Tunes opening titles.

(After a Looney Tunes opening spoof, we see the Nerd finding his shirt, then putting the pens in the pouch, putting his glasses on, going to the fridge and taking out a bottle of Yuengling, taking a swig of it, then looking through his NES collection and pulling out "The Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout.")

The Nerd: (sarcastically) Wow, how awesome could this be? Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout. Well, it was a blowout, alright. BLOW OUT YOUR ASS!

The Nerd: Basically, you're Bugs Bunny going around with a hammer in a Mario-like setting. Really nothing special. In fact, it's one of the most sickening sidescrollers I've ever seen, because when you walk, the screen sort of does like this strobe effect. I'm not kidding, it makes me sick! Even worse is when there's an earthquake! Oh, come on! That's cruel!

The Nerd: The plot is that it's Bugs Bunny's 50th birthday and he's on his way to his own party, but out of envy, everybody wants to stop him from getting there. So you're just whacking anything in your path and, do you know what's really annoying? Every time you get hit, you see stars. And when that happens, you can't use your hammer for a few seconds. All you do is just go from start to finish. There's usually a boss at the end of the stage, like here's Daffy. You think you're supposed to fight him, but, no, that doesn't work. You're just supposed to get the carrot.

The Nerd: Yeah, this game's really a no-brainer. (takes a swig of Yuengling, then Bugs Bunny shows up at the door and he promptly spits out his Yuengling) OH MY GOD! IT'S BUGS BUNNY!

Bugs Bunny: Nyah... (chomping on carrot) What’s up, Doc?

The Nerd: (looking shocked) I can't believe it! In my own house! Bugs Bunny! BUGS FUCKING BUNNY! (punches Bugs in the stomach and face, knocking him out)

The Nerd: After each stage, you get a bonus game, depending on how many carrots you collected. By winning, you could earn some 1-ups. Now, this number thing, I really don't know how to play it, and I don't give a shit, so I just tap the buttons until it's over.

Bugs Bunny: Nyyyyyyaaaaaaaahhhhh, what's up, DOC?! (the Nerd breaks the empty bottle of Yuengling over Bugs' head)

The Nerd: Now here's Tweety. Hate this little bastard. You just gotta clobber him. So you can already guess that all the bosses are Looney Tunes characters, like Wile E. Coyote, Sylvester, Foghorn Leghorn, Elmer Fucking Fudd and Pepe Le Shit. But, the main enemies are just really weird. There's these walking boxes with the letter S, little hammer head guys, Oscar the Grouch, and these things, I don't know. I guess they're floating... dead cats. These clocks are the worst. They're all over the place, you can't hit them without getting yourself hit, and when you kill them, they explode for like three hours and you just gotta stand back. And after they explode, another one immediately drops in its place! So, I just gotta run through everything. I mean, I just don't even care.

Bugs Bunny: Nyyyyyaaaaahhhhhh, what's up, DOC?! (the Nerd backhands him, knocking him out)

The Nerd: What's one thing I should have done a thousand times by now? Die. But I'm not dying. You know why? Because this game's too fucking easy. I'm just walking through the levels, getting hit by everything in sight, not caring whether I lose all my lives or beat the game. Whichever comes first, I welcome it. All I know is, this game is going on, and on, and on. There's Sam beating the shitballs out of me, just hitting me every second that there is, but there I go, I still beat him. Come on, I really don't care about the damn bonus games!

The Nerd: This game is GARBAGE!

Bugs Bunny: Nyyyyaaah- (gets cut off while the Nerd takes Bugs' head and slams it into the table repeatedly)

The Nerd: I'D RATHER PUT MY BALLS IN A CROCODILE'S MOUTH WHILE SHOVING MY HEAD UP A UNICORN'S ASSHOLE!

The Nerd: Well, here's Tweety again. Get out here! Come on, come on! You little Tweety fuck! Alright, here's Elmer Fucking Fudd. Come on! Ugh, you son of a bitch! Now what's he doing to me? Ugh, Get off! A lot of times, you're supposed to break blocks to get where you're supposed to go, which is tedious as all hell- (falls and dies) WHAT A SHITTY-ASS LOAD OF GODDAMN BULLFUCK!

Bugs Bunny: Nyah, ain't I a fucking stinker, motherfucker?!

The Nerd: AIN'T YOU A GODDAMN FUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT?! (throws Bugs to the hallway floor, then kicks and steps on his head with vigor and force over and over again)

The Nerd: Oh, I hate this shit right here. These platforms keeps disappearing when you jump on 'em. Fuck! Alright, let's try it again. Keep jumping, keep jumping! Oh, oh, here we go! Oh, okay. Here we go! Here we go! Yes! Okay, next rope. Oh, no! Wait! Ugh! Son of a cock!

Bugs Bunny: (peeking through the doorway) Nyyyyaaahhhh! What's up, butt-cock?! (the Nerd takes a Mario ball and throws it at Bugs's face)

The Nerd: Sometimes, when you have to go down, you're never sure of whether or not you're going to fall and die. (Bugs sees stars) Ugh! Mother of a fuck! I hate those stars. I really, really fucking hate them. You can't hit anybody without getting hit. And everything you try to step on, it breaks away! It's just total ass!

Bugs Bunny: Nyah, what's all the hubbub... Bub? (the Nerd gets enraged and tackles Bugs to the floor)

The Nerd: You know, this game is just way too generous with the extra lives. (playing while wresting with Bugs) IT'S LIKE DELIBERATELY KEEPING ME IN THE GAME, SO I CAN'T STOP!

Bugs Bunny: Nyah! What's up, butt-cock-vagina-butt-fuck?!

The Nerd: Just SHUT UP!

The Nerd: For what it's worth, the game's at least playable. But there's no appeal whatsoever. Making a birthday-themed game is one of the worst concepts imaginable. Even with a big name like Bugs Bunny. (sitting on Bugs Bunny) He's one of the greatest cartoon characters of all time, but his leap to the Nintendo Entertainment System was just a total fucking shitbomb.

(comes up to Taz, the Tasmanian Devil)

​The Nerd: Well, here we are at the last guy. It's Taz. All you gotta do is knock those footballs back at him, and he's done.

The Nerd: I beat it! NOW, GET OUTTA HERE! (kicks Bugs away) "Bugs Bunny finally arrives at his party. He is greeted with thunderous cheers and applause from his loving friends. To Bugs' surprise, he finds all of his Looney Tunes pals there, who had just moments ago been playing some very funny tricks."

The Nerd: (to Bugs, angrily) I'LL SHOW YOU SOME FUNNY TRICKS! (charges him against the wall)

Bugs Bunny: (while being repeatedly punched in the face) Nyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaah, what's up, COCK?!

The Nerd: I'll show you what's up, you fucking bunny piece of shit! (knees him two times in the face before going back to punching) BUGS BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY BLOWOUT! HOW 'BOUT BUGS BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY BEATING?! (Bugs gets thrashed and pummeled and flipped over) Ya want a shoryuken? (uppercuts him)

(Bugs gets beat up and tossed around some more, then gets kicked through a wall of boxes, with the Nerd roaring in slow motion. Then he helps Bugs up on his feet and throws him across the hall. Bugs crawls away into the kitchen while the Nerd pursues him. Bugs gets tired and collapses on his back)

The Nerd: Ya want some shit? (pulls pants down) BOMBS AWAY, BUGS BITCH! (diarrhea begins to shit out as it falls through a fake ass)

Bugs Bunny: Nyyyyaaah, (diarrhea pours onto his face) OH, SHIT! OH, SHIT! Nyah!

The Nerd: Ugh, man! (takes off fake ass) Don't worry, folks. It's not real. (Looney Tunes spoof theme starts playing and Bugs is shown in distress) (while giving middle finger) FUCK YOU, BUGS BUNNY! (gives middle finger through fake asshole) FUCK YOU, BUGS BUNNY! (tosses fake ass) There you go. Got your ass handed to you. (iris out, then cut to a drum, which the Nerd pops out of) Uh, duh, uh, duh, uh, duh, that's all, fucks! (flashes middle finger)

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