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Transcript of AVGN Bad Game Cover Art - X-Man

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("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays and ornaments numbered 1-25 are seen on a Christmas tree. A raspberry sound is heard and the cover to Action in X-Man appears on the 25 ornament, along with shit.)

X-Man for Atari 2600. Wow. I don't know what part of this picture is demanding the most attention, the woman who's in the process of stripping down to her bare body or all the crazy shit going on over there! The woman is depicted in a realistic way. Lot's of detail has gone into the shape of her body, the lighting and the tones of her skin. Sure, her nose is a little flat, but the guy on the right is a full blown caricature style. He has no neck, exaggerated teeth and eyes. Those two different styles are so different from one another that I don't even think the same artist created them both, or, it's meant to portray the separation between the glamorous supermodel and the geeky insecure guy. But let's not skip over the title. X-Man. X-Man? To quote a line from Enter the Dragon, you come right out of a comic book. a Marvel comic book published on September 10th, 1963 by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. You know, X-Men! Not just the name, the logo itself! It may not be identical but it comes pretty damn close, well, X-Men didn't turn the M into a crotch. They missed out on that!

What does X-Man mean anyway? It's on the dude's shirt too, or half of a shirt, whatever he's wearing. I suppose because it's a pornographic game, one I missed in my Atari porn episode, that the X means, like, triple X man...I don't know! What about the fact that he's grabbing his crotch! When I see a man grabbing his crotch next to a pair of runaway scissors, that can't be good. Or what about crabs, ugh! No, I'm not going to explain that one! Or the Twizzler mouth yet another appearance! What's up with that? All these things are after his crotch! He's trying to protect his crotch from the risks involved in paying this hooker as he runs through the never-ending maze of sexual frustration. But he's smiling! There's some kind of joy to it, and that's when I noticed, with to position of his hands, you should be able to see both hands but you only see one. That must mean that his right hand is going through the opening of his underwear. He's jerking off.

That's what I call a video game cover! Pretty good video for Christmas Day, huh? I give you X-Man for Xmas, triple Xmas! A woman getting ready to show he tits, a guy with his hands down his crotch! It's filthy, but you wouldn't want it any other way, would you? Merry Christmas you filthy animals!

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