("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays and ornaments numbered 1-25 are seen on a Christmas tree. A raspberry sound is heard and the cover to RollerBlade Racer appears on the 20 ornament, along with shit.)
RollerBlade Racer for NES. Rollerblades, radical, radiant-blazing colors! That's the 80's. That's what it was all about. All those who lived it trust us. We can tell you. That chalk-patterned background, that's what the world actually look like back then. You'd be rollerblading with your flat-top hair, your rattail in the back, listening to Michael Jackson on your Walkman, slapping high-fives with Voltron! You'd be eating your Mr. T cereal and Pee-Wee Herman will come by playing Pac-Man with us? It happened all the time. It was so crazy, there wasn't even such a thing as temperature! No. The man's wearing a sleeveless shirt, while the girl is bundled up like it's the middle of winter. Don't judge a cartridge by its box. Check this out.
The cartridge has no background. I supposed the box was finished the last. All it is, it's solid hot pink! Let me tell you. In the 80's, that color was the most bodacious thing. You wanted hot pink! Seriously, our eyes were attracted to how bright it was! Loot at it! The way it burns into your retina. THAT'S AWESOME! GIVE ME MORE! Nowadays, most people seem to associate pink with feminine, but back then it had nothing to do with that! Didn't matter if you're a boy or girl! HOT PINK, DAMN IT!
It's so vibrant that it's actually bleeding into the graphics! The labels on the cartridges can fade a little. So imagine how pink it was when the game was new. It was so FUCKING PINK, it was made to last of the ages. The contrast on the people is boosted so much that they blend together. At first glance, it looks like both bodies have emerged into an eight-legged creature. Eight-legged? Eight decades? THE EIGHTIES! This game is the living embodiment of the 80's! (screen briefly fades out, before it comes up again with Nerd's holding a cell phone his hands.) Uh, well, the game came out in '93. Well, fuck everything I've just said.
Here's a hot pink screen for you to look at. Yeah, you like that? Yeah, stare it long enough. You'll grow a mullet.