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Transcript of AVGN Bad Game Cover Art - Phalanx

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("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays and ornaments numbered 1-25 are seen on a Christmas tree. A raspberry sound is heard and the cover to Phalanx appears on the 6 ornament, along with shit.)

Phalanx or Phalanx for Super Nintendo. Well, the game is a 2D space-shooter. It says, plain as day, 'The hyper-speed shoot-out in space.' Many would say this cover has nothing to do with the game, but of course it does! There is a spaceship! See? They got it in there that little magic Disney Tinkerbell sparkle whizzing by way, way, way back there in the background? There is no getting around it. The main focus is an old man playing a benjo. Because isn't that the first thing you think of? When you think of a hyper speed shoot-out in space? But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this guy is in the game. Yeah, in fact, he's a major part of the game! You just never unlocked that part yet. This is a mall Santa Claus. This is what he does the rest of the year. He's sitting on his porch, playing his banjo. He's been drinking a lot of moonshine. So he fantasizes and pictures himself flying a spaceship, shooting aliens, perhaps a projection of his deep-rooted racism against anyone or anything foreign, or he's just a jolly old drunk playing song about a hyper speed shoot-out in space! I wonder if the actual man in the photo knew how to play the banjo. Was he just posing with it? Or could he have actually been playing something when this picture was taken?

(The Nerd sings a song imitating an old man's voice)

What am I doing here, motherfuckers? Super Nintendo, fuck is that?

Had this cover looked anything like it was supposed to, It wouldn't have been as interesting! There's thousands of generic space-shooters out there, so this wasn't unconventional, yet in genius way to make it stand out from the rest. It worked! Because after all these years, we're still talking about it! This is the North American version of the cover. In all other parts of the world, it actually focused on the spaceship which look like a um... (The spaceship in the other country's cover art looks like a dick) ...Well, this version wasn't Phalanx. It was PHALLUS!

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