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Transcript of AVGN Bad Game Cover Art - Eliminator Boat Duel

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("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays and ornaments numbered 1-25 are seen on a Christmas tree. A raspberry sound is heard and the cover to Eliminator Boat Duel appears on the 11 ornament, along with shit.)

Eliminator Boat Duel for NES. Um, yeah... here's what I think happened. They hired somebody to do the cover, they told him the game is called Eliminator Boat Duel. So naturally, the cover gets finished at the last minute, they take one look and go, "Umm.. we said 'Eliminator Boat Duel'. This is just two people riding on A FUCKING BOAT!" But there's no time to redo it, but they had to do something quick to make it more exciting! With less than an hour to send it out to the printers, the quickest solution was to paste on these flags, just so you know there's some kind of race going on. To add neon streets to the back of the boat to emphasize speed, to add this cheap splashing waterfall effect, and to change the colour of the water to bright glowing pink...except that part they missed. (yellow arrow points at the part of the water that's blue.) Before, it would look like two people leisurely riding a boat. Now, it looks like two people leisurely riding a boat on an alien planet!

Instead of all these added effects, it might have been easier to just change the name to 'Vacation Boat Ride.' If you look closely at the woman's hair, I don't think it's hair. I think it's a surfboard and she's leaning behind it. What's with the glowing mountain peaks? Are those suppose to be sunsets? TWO SUNSETS? It is an alien world, maybe in the same solar system as Tatooine. Or just what the earth looks like after Electro Brain zaps all your brain cells.

(Nerd puts his hand on his forehead, frowning his face) Ah, just looking at it. It's BURNING MY EYES! G-Get it off the screen! (The easel fades out) The European cover was much better. Absurd? Yes, but it looks more like a boat duel. Clearly a race's going on since there's actually more than one boat. Even though the guy and the girl are still relaxed. But, that's because they're so good at winning. This is Mr. & Mrs. Perfect. How can I not mention that giant, magnificent breasts? God damn! And they came so close to being covered by the Nintendo Seal of Quality. Somebody said, make sure that move down a little. Imagine seeing that on a game when you're five years old. In the U.S., we definitely got the shittier end of the deal for this one. Even the end label couldn't spell Eliminator. 'ELIMONATOR.'

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