("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays and ornaments numbered 1-25 are seen on a Christmas tree. A raspberry sound is heard and the cover to Action Fighter appears on the 4 ornament, along with shit.)
Action Fighter for the illustrious Sega Master System. A masterpiece, undoubtedly. Let's begin with the title. 'Action Fighter' tells you everything you need to know! Action suggests battles, shootouts, vehicle chases and explosions! The single word 'action' encompasses everything we expact in a game on the primative subconscous level. 'Fighter!' Whaddya know? A generalization of more of the same. Action implies fighting, fighter implies action! No two words in the history of civilization have so eloquently over stated one another! There is no question of what kind of fighter this is. Not an idle, casual, go with the flow kind of fighter. Could this game by any chance be, um.. some kind of puzzle game or ..a video poker? NO! Action Fighter, damn it! Just make sure, without any doubt, you know what it is. BOOM! ACTION FIGHTER! It hit its mark more effectively than a cow pissing on a flat rock! it's a well-worthy of the trademark. That's right, patented shit. It's so brilliant, you wouldn't want anybody stealing that name. This isn't just any cartridge, it's The Mega Cartridge, also trademarked. Notice how the 'g' droops down and touches the 'Mega.' That's class. Look how the background grid enhances the obviousness of the condensed kerning. And then there's an image on the cover too, right? Oh yeah, that's it. It's down there! It occupies less than a quarter space of the overall canvas. Nothing suggest action and fighting, more than a magnifying glass on a highway. This is a special magnifying glass. It doesn't make things larger, instead, it forces the perspective into a Hitchcock vertigo effect. Is this really an action game? Or some kind of detective game? It seems the detective is using the magnifying glass while driving! Rather than shutting down the street and getting up close to survey the area, this detective is going to fly right through, emphasizing the importance of high-speed action over tedious scrutiny. The lack of details on the buildings intensifies the feeling of tunnel vision to be focused on one point, rushing to a particular goal, a CLUE! One vital clue that we so eagerly wish to have! The cover leaves you in suspense! What is the clue? Is there a clue? Did the human being who made this HAVE ANY CLUE?!