The Nerd: Well, Christmas is almost here again... already. The cold weather's kicking in, the snowfall, the ice, it's gonna get below freezing, maybe even... sub-zero, which reminds me.
(The Nerd looks through his collection of Nintendo 64, games complete with end labels)
The Nerd: Ah yes, Nintendo 64 end labels, the greatest invention ever. When Nintendo drops the ball, the fans pick it up. Here it is: Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero. This is one Mortal Kombat game that I have never played before, but how could that be? It was one of my favorite video game franchises.
(Gameplay from "Mortal Kombat II" is shown)
The Nerd: Yeah, in the 90s, Mortal Kombat was the fucking tits. Everybody was obsessed with it. When it came to fighting games, Street Fighter II and Mortal Kombat were as essential as food and water. I'll never forget my first time seeing the original game in the arcades. I distinctly remember catching a glimpse of it between the shoulders of bigger kids crowding around it. I was impressed by the graphics, the realistic human figures and shocked by the excessive blood and gore. It was awesome, it was one of the games to inspire the ratings system. When it came to home consoles, nobody knew what to do. The Genesis version had a code to unlock the blood while the Super Nintendo version left it out altogether but starting with Mortal Kombat II, it was blood for all.
The Nerd: How to do the finishing moves and how to unlock secret characters was a daily school bus and lunchtime conversation. You could be the most geeky, socially awkward kid in school, but as soon as you show up passing around Mortal Kombat codes, you were the ultimate hero. There was a mystique to these games, it was all about secrets and rumors such as a swearing code and a nude code. One time, someone printed out a move list which they got from connecting their computer to their telephone line. It was like science fiction shit but it turned out to be an early form of something even bigger than life itself called the Internet.
The Nerd: As I remember it, the mid-90s was the peak of Mortal Kombat fever which led up to Mortal Kombat Trilogy in '96. It combined everything you wanted from the first three games, with new generation game consoles like PlayStation and N64, the games were getting closer to arcade quality and that's what we all wanted: to be able to play the arcades in our own home, and then in '97 came Mythologies: Sub-Zero.
The Nerd: So why haven't I played this one before? Could it be that I was distracted by Mortal Kombat 4, which came out close to the same time? Or was it because I heard that it was very different from all the other games? All these years, I've been trying to get around to playing it because anything Mortal Kombat related, you gotta play it. It can't be that bad, right? (The Nerd places "Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero" in the N64 and begins to play)
(Sub-Zero runs into a hallway and keeps turning in the wrong direction as he fights with a monk) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what the fuck?! GOD! Okay, you have to press B to to turn around. In all the other Mortal Kombat games, you automatically face your opponent but here, every time you jump to the other side, it's one extra button you gotta press. This is like Karate Champ bullshit. I can understand why this might be necessary because unlike other Mortal Kombat games where you fight your opponents one at a time, here you're fighting multiple enemies, so if you find yourself in between two of them, you might need to turn around. Sometimes, it turns automatically... yeah, you never know so after you jump, you'll hit the button only to find that you've turned yourself the wrong way. Alright, well that ruins the whole game. Game sucks, case closed, should I just end the video right now? Or could the game get even worse?
The Nerd: Obviously, you play as Sub-Zero. I suppose if the game caught on, they would have made a whole Mythologies series starring all the different characters, and I think that's what is what they were intending. Well, I'm glad they didn't quit their day job. (Sub-Zero falls to his death) The day job being real Mortal Kombat.
The Nerd: There are some RPG elements. When you fight enemies, you earn experience points, gain inventory and learn special moves like Sub-Zero's trademark ice projectile. Being so familiar with the other Mortal Kombat games, it comes off as more of a tease that you don't already have it from the start. (Sub-Zero gets crushed to death by a collapsing pillar and the Nerd yells)
The Nerd: Now they're gonna start doing that shit?! Alright, wait for it, wait for it (Sub-Zero gets crushed again and the Nerd groans in anger) Now I'm on a ledge, what do I do here, jump? (Sub-Zero jumps over the ledge and falls to the ground, killing him) Of course not. (Sub-Zero jumps onto the ledge, drops and bounces safely to the ground from an awning) Oh, you just drop down and bounce off the awning. Yeah, okay.
(Sub-Zero is now fighting two monks)
The Nerd: Your mother, your mother! Oh, God! There's too many guys! (The Nerd sees more collapsing pillars and is crushed) What?! More of these?! (Sub-Zero gets crushed) Okay, okay, easy does it. (The Nerd grunts angrily and mutters) Oh, get the fuck out of the way! (The monk gets crushed by the pillar) YEAH! DID YOU SEE THAT?! I FUCKING SQUASHED THAT BITCH! (A pillar squashes Sub-Zero) FUCK!
The Nerd: Run-run-run-run-run-run-RUN-RUN-RUN-RUN-RUN-RUN-RUN...! (Growls and exclaims as Sub-Zero gets squished by a pillar) OOOOOOOOOOH! Okay, strategy: Run and stop! (Sub-Zero runs and gets squashed by a pillar) No, no, no, no, can't run, can't walk, CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING! (Sub-Zero and Nerd grunt multiple times as the Nerd yells and sighs)
The Nerd: After you make it through, by some miracle, you'll fight Scorpion. It's a one-on-one battle and looks just like traditional Mortal Kombat. It looks like it, but trust me. It doesn't feel like it at all. (Sighs deeply) If only you knew, if only you were the one holding the controller right now, you know what exactly what I mean. (He holds a Nintendo 64 controller to the camera) Here, take it. Yeah, I know. You would if you could. But trust me, don't. If I was jumping off a bridge, would you do it, too? No. This is jumping off a bridge. And I'm not happy.
The Nerd: Afterwards, you get a cutscene. This is where I should mention that the game was also on PlayStation. It's very similar, but the most noteworthy difference is that on the N64, the cutscenes are still images and text, but with the PlayStation version, since it was a CD-based console, it was able to have full motion video and audio.
Scorpion: I am Scorpion. You killed me in cold blood.
The Nerd: Um... Just stick to Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. (Sub-Zero jumps and grunts two times) Okay, what the Hell am I supposed to do here? (Sub-Zero floats and the Nerd exclaims) The fuck? (Sub-Zero gets punched by a monk as he floats and lands on a platform especially he runs and the palace breaks away) Geez, I just outran this screen. Gotta give some credit for the 3D or 2.5D backgrounds.
The Nerd: Another basic problem is that to jump, you press Up. In any typical Mortal Kombat game or any tournament fighter, that's normal. But in a platforming jumping game, Up is fucked up. Sometimes you intend to step back, but your thumb slides across up, and you jump by accident. (Sub-Zero falls and yells) The entire level 2 is all about hopping these platforms. Come on, son of a bitch! Ah, fuck! Ah, get out of my way, I'm just trying to... (the platform does not collapse) Oh. Okay. That makes it easier. For many these jumps, you have to wait to ride the wind current. Or not. Okay, should I jump then? (Sub-Zero jumps and the Nerd grumbles) Sometimes the wind comes right away. But other times, you have to wait for it. And then there's times when you have to jump blindly; a leap of faith. And then there's times when... (Sub-Zero yells) I don't even know. (Sub-Zero screams a lot, including one scream each from the Nerd and Charlie Brown after trying to kick a football.)
The Nerd: As if that's not bad enough, then you have to start jumping on these... spoons. You don't have much control over your jumps. It's always the same arch from wherever you last stood. Once you're in the air, there's nothing else you can do. (Sub-Zero screams) Even when you do land on the spoons, you don't really land on them, you sort of... magnetize to them.
The Nerd: And I love how abruptly the continue screen appears. Watch this. (after Sub-Zero dies, the continue screen abruptly appears) Wow, they didn't waste any time. Unlike Symphony of the Night where it takes like THREE FUCKING HOURS! You'll be busy fighting, and then all of a sudden the screen comes up, and you might accidently hit "no," but it doesn't matter, anyway, because I've been using passwords to skip ahead, and even then, the game is impossible. It's one cheap death trap after another.
(Sub-Zero jumps and gets pierced through by pointed stalagmite after falling into a deep pit)
The Nerd: OHH, COME ON! That is low. And it's a real "fair" fight when there's all this shit on the screen. Foreground obstructions; real classy. Also, it's one of those "Where the fuck do I go?" type of games. Yeah, you know kind of make you say, "Where the fuck do I go?" How about down here? (Sub-zero climbs down the rope) Nope, another dead end. Okay, what do I do now? (Suddenly a big hexagon-shaped ceiling descends and then squashes Sub-Zero) What? (Exclaiming) GOD! (Nerd laughs angrily and then frowns) I hate this! W-W-Where do I jump? W-Where do I ju--?! I can't kick this g-- I CAN'T JUMP K-- THE JUMP KICK DOES-- THE-THE JUMP KICK NEVER FAILS LIKE THIS! (Screams angrily) FUCK! SHIT! FUCK! (Sub-Zero screams while falling)
(Sub-Zero gets to a boss battle and sees Blaster as the boss)
The Nerd: (gasps) I didn't know there was a Transformer in the game! It's Blaster!
(The Nerd groans while he tries to beat Blaster but Sub-Zero dies)
The Nerd: (Yells angrily) FUCK! (Nerd stands up and picks up the cartridge from the N64) NO WONDER I HAVEN'T PLAYED THIS ONE BEFORE! THIS IS ANAL SAUCE!
(The Nerd throws the cartridge and freezes it like Sub-Zero)
Video Game Announcer: Finish him!
(The Nerd destroys the cartridge into blood and guts while he grunts)
Video Game Announcer: Fatality!
(End of episode)
James D. Rolfe: Hope you enjoyed that episode. I have something to tell you for fans of physical media who want to own the first 100 Nerd episodes in your collection, we now have Angry Video Game Nerd, Volume X out, on a Blu-Ray.
James D. Rolfe: So you can see what we did there. We had volumes 1 through 8, now it's X, like Mega Man. Uh, this is the same stuff just so you know, all these episodes were previously released on DVD, so there's nothing new here. The reason you would get this is if, A., you don't already own them, or B., if you wanna watch the first 100 episodes in marathon, which would be about 19 hours. You could do that; it's possible. Um, so, it's 100 episodes on 1 disc, about 19 hours, and in addition to that, there's a second disc that comes with it, that's about 7 hours of bonus material.
James D. Rolfe: These are the bonus material, uh, bonus content from the previous DVDs that goes up to 100. It stops at episode 100. They're in standard definition, because they were shot in standard definition, and the reason they're on a Blu-Ray is to be able to fit so many of 'em. Uh, Blu-Ray discs are a lot more expensive to manufacture than DVDs, but I think by cramming so many into 'em, it's a lot more cost effective. So, this would be if you wanna own the episodes on fewer discs.
James D. Rolfe: Uh, it's on Amazon.com right now. You can get the link in the description below, and all the details there, um, and, uh, for those who don't own Blu-Ray players, we are planning to get the old DVDs back in stock; there could still be AVGN Volume 9, that's still possible if you want it, and, uh, we are gonna put the newer episodes out. Uh, the ones that were shot in HD will be on Blu-Rays in the future.
James D. Rolfe: So, we have a lot of work to do. Uh, the focus lately has been on getting all these videos done, uh, which we just did. You can see there's been a lot of videos on the site recently, and on YouTube. So, I hope you enjoyed all them, uh, what we had this year, and, uh, look out for all-new stuff in 2016, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year.