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Rocky

Rocky episode title card

Rocky is the sixteenth episode of The Angry Video Game Nerd (series). It first aired on December 14, 2006 and is 9 minutes and 45 seconds long.

This episode is the first time he is officially referred to as "The Angry Video Game Nerd" in the theme song instead of "The Angry Nintendo Nerd." It is also the first episode where he reviews a game on a consoles other than a Nintendo system.

Plot

The Nerd starts off by saying how psyched he is about the film "Rocky VI" (Rocky Balboa) being released. He says how he's so excited that he has all 5 films playing in his house at the same time. He shows the Rocky films he has playing then says how he's got one extra TV with a Sega Master System. He pulls out the game case of Rocky for the SMS and comments on the "Twice the Mega Power" writing on it. He puts the game cartridge into the console and comments on the opening, with the side-scrolling "Rocky" title. He says to listen to the title screen, and says how it doesn't sound like the Rocky theme or any of the songs from the Rocky films. It shows clips from the 5 films throughout the video.

He starrts playing the game, saying how the graphics looked good at the time, but comments on why he's wearing Apollo's shorts. He explains the gameplay in the training stage, saying how it's just about tapping buttons, and that there's really no technique. He says how boring it is and curses "Cocka-fucking-doodle-ass-shit-sucking-ball-fuck!"

When the actual boxing match gameplay starts, he says again that the graphics are good for 8-bit, but can't say the same for the gameplay. He says how it's just tapping buttons and shows the game manual which says about the different attacks you can execute, saying the button combinations for them. But he says how none of them works, so he just taps buttons. He says how unpredictable it is when you're gonna hit or get hit, and says how the control just "suck shit-balls!" He says how the worst thing about it is how you move and comments on the actions he does, and how it doesn't make any sense at all.

It then shows him saying: "Is there any way to control this? I mean, how does it work? I wanna know!" and showing Mickey Goldmill from the clips of Rocky films saying: "You don't wanna know" and the Nerd replying to him. He then starts reading the manual out loud to see how to control him while the words are scrolling upwards on the video. When he finishes, it shows him asking the audience if they got that and sums it up by saying "It stinks!" He then says: "It's a bunch of putrid anal shit coming out of a rhinocerous' asshole; it fucks up the ass, shits out the mouth, piss out the nose, dooky out the ear, diarrhea out the ear, shits for the birds!" He also says: "The control for this game is poo-poo!"

Back to the game, he's got Apollo down, who starts "humping the floor" and gets back up. He says how it's "easy as crap" as long as you tap buttons, and repeats about knocking Apollo down. He comments on how the repetitive nature of this game is astounding and how many times Apollo can get back up, and how it's embarassing. He says about the technical knockout taking forever to occur, and how it just goes on and on and on.

Showing him again, he says again how it's just a button-mashing game and says how he's not even looking at the game while mashing buttons. He says how he even knocked him down too and how he's "dead fucking serious!" He says how he'll eventually stay down and you'll win. Then he says about another training stage, and if there is any point to this. He says how he doesn't feel like tapping the buttons and how it makes his fingers more tired and lose the fight anyway. He stops tapping buttons and says how he'd rather just wait instead. A few seconds later, he says: "Fuck it" and starts mashing buttons again.

In the boxing match against Clubber Lang, he says how he's "kicking his ass" and says how unlike Apollo, Clubber Lang will just "rip your asshole inside out!" He curses on how he's one "tough sonofabitch fucker!" When Rocky gets knocked down, he tells him to get up "you floor-fucking dickhead!" When losing, he says: "How does a game goes from so easy to so fucking hard!"

It shows the Nerd who says how he's going to try again and this time "no fucking around" and gotta get strong on the training stages. He says how's gotta keep tapping until he breaks his thumb. He starts playing the boxing matches with music playing, but repeatedly curses when he goes down against Clubber Lang. It shows the Rocky films that are playing, and him keeping on tapping buttons. When losing against him, he puts the controller down, and says how he can't beat him and that it's a short game anyway. He says how there's only 3 and how it says in the manual about the third opponent being Ivan drago, but he's not going to torture himself on getting that far anyway.

Showing the Nerd, he says: "This game is ass! I'd rather take a bath in elephant feces! I'd rather eat raw eggs!" But he says how it was pretty good game for it's time and how it hasn't aged that well at all. He says how it's Rocky and it can't be as bad as the pinball game, showing the clip from the film where the man throws his alcohol container at the pinball machine, smashing it.

He says how it's been 20 years since the game came out and how it's also been 20 years since Rocky balboa last fought in the ring. He says how he can't wait to see "Rocky VI" not "Rocky Balboa." Finally, he advises to not play the game but go see the movie. How it can't be this bad and how the game's just "a waste of life!"

Games reviewed

Rocky (Sega Master System)

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